The Vladimir Nabokov Memorial Theme Park

Cara: I am really good at walking listlessly. How do I turn that into a career?
Lish: uhm
Cara: I'd be such a good female Nabokov character!
Lish: HAH!
Cara: they're all listless and bitchy. so if they ever make a Nabokov theme park, I'm golden. God, that would be horrifying and illegal
Lish: oh my god
Lish: Pninwheel!!
Lish: I LOVE MYSELF
Cara: HA
Cara: that would be the only ride that didn't involve pedophilia or incest
Lish: that's what they want you to think. but it would, somehow
Cara: Well. I guess you could have Albert's Wild Ride and then at the end you're blinded for life. And your 18-year old girlfriend makes out with a guy right under your nose

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Lost Recap

Lost Recap, And By "Recap" We Mean "Liveblog", and by "Liveblog" We Mean "This is Useless"

Cara: YOU DON'T OWN ME
Lish: i fucking do!
also i ordered mexican, so i'm really excited right now
because!
i found a ten dollar bill
in a jacket pocket
Cara: mmm Mexican
Lish: when does that ever happen?
Cara: oooooooh. never!
Lish: i know! it was an Unexpected Jellybean Moment!
Cara: Can you walk to my fridge and pour me a glass of wine?
Lish: oh god please don't say wine. so much champagne yesterday, cara
Cara: can you walk to my fridge and pour me a beverage from...that bottle, down there?
Lish: i could. if i wanted to.
Cara: It's got an airtight bottle sealer thing. From the FUTURE

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Lost Recap

Read and Learn, TWOP.

Cara: I just dumped a bunch of rainbow sprinkles into my super-premium ice cream. For I am a grownup
Lish: fuck you
i want iced cream
and a dead kate
Cara: Man. The Island does not agree with Alison Janney
Lish: holy shit CJ needs a facial
Cara: That's not Latin!
Lish: i was gonna say
ok THAT's… not latin. They Hunt For Red Octobered it.
Cara: NONE of this is Latin
Cara: did it say what year this was?
Lish: it did not. but it's latiny times
Cara: Why the fuck is everyone speaking Latin on this Island near Australia?
Lish: coastal flooding!
wow for once that almost sort of was relevant!

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Drink the Rich

Lish: what’s frontline about tonight?
Cara: The upper east side and the recession! Rich people slightly less rich!
Lish: ok!
Cara: Oh wow I hate all these people already
Lish: yup. i hate them enough to actually put this book down and get to seriously hating them. OH I LOST MY SECOND HOUSE PITY ME
Lish: ...another phone of the same model would be FREE you cow
Cara: 'I don't know how to say it, we don't have any money' she says as she gets highlights in a salon
Lish: ..she just said...she can't afford to get a haircut anymore..
as she....
Cara: But! She's THERE. NOW

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More Heroes Suckage, Plus Some Thing about the 20s

Cara: The liquor store on my street had Leffe. That was easy
Lish: bitch. i wannit. give it here
Cara: They also had a sign saying that you needed back-up ID if you had a Maine license and the guy behind the counter and I tried to figure out why. We decided people from Maine were thoroughly disreputable
Lish: huh. well yes, this is a widely believed fact
Cara: The label wants me to serve this in 'its own chalice-shaped glass'
You don't own me, label!
Lish: okay!
Cara: Also I don't have its own chalice-shaped glass
Lish: i like anything that tells me i need a chalice
you keep making me want stuff i don't have

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Heaven Has the Best Ass

Lish: oooh it's the twilight zone where mr death goes to visit the old woman and mr death is really hot

Cara: Mr Death better be really hot

Lish: oh HAHHAHAH it's robert fucking redford

Cara: HA

Lish: he's so young you can barely tell

he doesn't look like [[{{*ROBERT REDFORD*}}]] yet

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Heroes Liveblog: Now with 100% Less Expanding Dinosaur Semen

Alicia: how is your HAH HAH HAH HAH Pleurisy?

Cara: Oh god. I was out with Katie and her boyfriend and his friend and they laughed for five solid minutes
Alicia: as well they should
Cara: Biff stepped on it again! What the fuck!
Alicia: She stepped on your pleurisy? we're going to have to start dressing you in crinoline
Cara: I'm sitting UP. She sat on my lung!
Alicia: hahaha that cat HATES you
Cara: She is defying gravity to cause me PAIN
Alicia: i always tried to do that. never could quite swing it. damn that cat
Cara: I should unfeed her
Alicia: messy
Cara: I just meant take the food I just put in her bowl out.
Alicia: i was thinking more some sort of...forced tubing
Cara: Yeah, I know.

Alicia: Ah, Heroes. i like that it occurs to peter that it's wrong after they've dug up TWELVE GRAVES. he's like, oh wait

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Liveblogging the Worst Show of All Time and Then I Don't Know. I Just Don't Know Anymore.

Lish: man, EVERY year for my birthday I ask for a near-dead puppeteer
Cara: God, I just...I killed SO many Indians
Lish: dude, there are plenty to spare
Cara: Sylar is awfully boring for an all-powerful psychopath
Lish: he really is. he should take more of his clothes off. It might help.
Cara: Maybe go to the beach
Lish: it annoys me that none of the people he goes to kill are, say, in a spa
Cara: SYMBOLIC CLEANSING RAIN
Lish: POUNDY POUNDY POUNDY
boy this show is subtle. this is like…hello my name is tim kring and I just learned about the pathetic fallacy and now i am going to use it in EVERY EPISODE because it is New and has never before been used, only by MEEEEEEEEEEE
Cara: Like a freshman psych major and Jungian archetypes
Lish: Yes. my whole apartment building smells suddenly of bacon
Cara: Huh. Mine smells like pot and failure.
Lish: bacon I can't have is the worst kind of bacon!

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The Burning

Cara: good lord, childcare is expensive
Lish: ?
Cara: people should just eat their young. [employer] gives you a $3000 or $5000 credit based on income for childcare
That is AH month of daycare
Lish: AH month!?
Lish: ................... wolves can raise children, you know
Cara: God, seriously. For daycare for one child. The teachers who actually take care of the kids get paid next to nothing, so who the hell is getting all that money and can I have it?
Lish: you cannot
Cara: But!
Lish: but me no buts, I do not like your face
Cara: but!
Lish: your face is a butt!
PM Cara: MEAN
Lish: YES THAT IS WHAT I MEAN
Cara: YOU ARE a MEAN PERSON IS WHAT I MEAN
Lish: I KNOW WHAT YOU THINK YOU MEAN
Cara: DO YOU REALLY
Lish: I DO
Cara: I AM GLAD
I ALWAYS THOUGHT WE HAD A CONNECTION YOU SEE
Lish: FINE
I TOO HAVE FELT THIS
Cara: I AM GLAD OF THIS AS WELL
Lish: DOWN IN THE COCKLES OF MY VARIOUS THINGS

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Losers

Lish: ok so i just yawned and while yawning went laaaa la-la OUT LOUD REALLY LOUD

hi there, partner fred

Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

sometimes after I yawn I sigh really loudly in this sort of put-upon way

Lish: that was mostly what this was

but in la la form

Cara: ah

Lish: ..i just did it again! right after we talked about it!

Lish: apparently has no superego

Cara: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Lish: WHAT THE HELL?

halfway through i cut off and was like...I'm doing it again!

Cara: WHY WON'T YOU LEARN

Lish: I NEVER LEARNED TO READ

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You guys, you guys....look at the clock! --------------->

Oh, man. Well that, and I am using understatement here, was a FUCKING LONG EIGHT YEARS.